Sunday, February 13, 2011

How not to pick up chicks

Gentlemen, let’s say that a lady or two has captured your fancy. Here are some things you will want to avoid when you make your move. Consider this free advice.

Situation: You are having dinner with your buddies. You see two chicks paying for their meals and getting ready to leave. Deciding you want to meet them, you saunter over and strike up a conversation. They chat for a few minutes (well, they listen to you chat), then mention they have to go.  Being stunned by their beauty, you and your two buddies (who have wandered over) invite them to sing karaoke. They politely decline, and reiterate the fact that they really have to go. They leave the restaurant.

Now, you have two choices. You can let them go and move on with your life, or you can chase after them. If you are tempted by the second option, take a deep breath and remind yourself that you are not currently starring in a romantic comedy.

Do not charge across the parking lot.

Do not open the car door before they have a chance to lock it from the inside.

Do not lean between the door and the car and repeatedly beg them to go to karaoke.

Do not ignore them as they continue to say no and give you big batsus (Japanese crossed arms signifying no or false).

If, somehow, you continue to pester them and you see their faces change from pleasantly smiling as they say no to drop dead seriously saying no – TAKE THE HINT!

Do not declare your love for them.

Before demanding to know why they don’t want to go with you, stop and ask yourself two questions. 1. Have they already told me? 2. Do I really want to know the answer?

If they finally manage to get you out of their door, close the door, and drive away, leave it.

Do not notice them making a u-turn and then decide to charge across the intersection. You will probably not win their affections in this way.

Good luck staying out of creeperland, everyone!


Sharon said...

Wow!!!!! I wonder what your guardian angel was thinking/planning during this encounter. Probably a good thing the guys left when they did. God's protection of His children is not to be toyed with.

Becky said...

I love the way you re-tell the situation!